It's Okay #2: It’s okay to put yourself first
People need to start prioritising themselves.
#2 It’s Okay to put yourself first
We’re always told that we should always lend a helping hand, that we should be grateful for what we have, and give back to society. Growing up, I kept that in my mind, sheltering the elderly when it was a rainy day and they did not have umbrellas, helping people who were struggling with their items, and directing lost people to where they wanted to go.
When I started taking part-time jobs, I realised that what I had learnt as a child no longer applied to the adult world. The adults who taught what should be done didn’t uphold that same ideality when dealing with other adults, and unfortunately, I was far too old to be classified as a “little child”. I realised that people took help for granted, gaslighting people was the norm, and that helping others may cause your mental health far much more than you think.
I’ve seen so many clips of people online rendering help only to find out that they didn’t appreciate it, and had in fact taken the opportunity to twist the truth to their favour. Now, help shouldn’t have to be reciprocal, but neither should it eat on your minds either. And it got me thinking: would people want to help others now that helping has lost its original meaning? It got me thinking about people in customer service, whose jobs are to literally help others daily, how painful it must be to often be on the receiving end of everything.
To the people in customer service, sometimes evading your customers can give you some slack.
I used to work in retail for about 3 months. It was a temporary job, something I stumbled upon while trying to avoid working at McDonald's (my heart goes in respect for those working in F&B, I could never). As a retail assistant, I had to fold, iron, pack clothes so long as I was on shift, and handle customers' requests. It was long and painful, and I thought I'd just grit my teeth as long as I was paid enough.
One day, I had someone shoplift while I was on fitting room duty. The magnetic tag was found on the floor, but at that point in time, I was so busy, with about 2 mountain piles of clothes to steam, all while handling customers who simply couldn’t wait. No one was there to offer some help. The store was busy and it didn’t occur to them that perhaps having one person to juggle 6 fitting rooms, fold clothes, hand out number tags, and ironing the clothes was too overbearing for one person to clear, because they had gotten immune to the life as a busy store assistant that the idea of this was normal to them and no one needed extra help. I was guilty, tired, and was about to cry. I was 16, and I could see the disappointment in the eyes of my colleagues.
Another instance, I was out on the floor, shuffling from rack to rack, and I saw a group of customers messing up the entire display of clothes I had just folded 5 minutes before, and they literally saw me fold them. I couldn't tell if they did it on purpose or not, because they were literally flipping about the clothes just to get the size they wanted (I had them stacked from S to XL.). But that was my job – to help ensure that the clothes were nice enough for customers. They weren’t obliged to help, but they didn’t have to make a whole mess either.
Needless to say, I was so traumatised by the whole experience that now that I shop in real life, I'm even more conscious of how I handle in store pieces. If I can’t help retail assistants with their jobs, the least I can do is not make their lives hell.
No, but seriously, put whatever you take back if you’re not going to try them, or buy them, because it really is a pain in the butt to fix the whole table of clothes. I know, “customers are always right” and whatnot, but not when you’re being a whole annoying piece of :) while at it.
After that job, I landed myself with a job where I had to explain to people how certain apps work. If you think messing up clothes is bad, trust me: you don’t want to handle old people who cannot hear properly, and are trying their best to understand why they can transfer $10 from this number to another number at home but cannot use digital banking outside (because they don’t have internet! A great discovery.). Needless to say, with the toxic work environment (a different story for a different day), and non-stop stress, I quit within half a year.
So believe me when I say, it’s great to take a break from the people. Go to the toilet, chill inside, tell them you’re running a really bad stomach ache and instead of complaining, they should be glad you even came. Of course, don’t spend 2 hours outside work, but maybe 10 minutes? 15?
It’s already bad you’re not getting paid enough, and we as part-timers are all replaceable anyway (let’s be real, even normal staff are replaceable), so when it gets a little too overbearing, just step aside and chill for a bit!
Of course, with the mini breaks means you have to show them your worth nonetheless, ensure that your responsibilities are met, and they cannot nitpick your results.
That way, not only can you get away with the mini breaks, you will also not have them on your butts constantly! Honestly, the higher ups are always inside anyway, and no one will know, unless you have a really bad relationship with your co-workers and they have a very high tendency to snitch on you.
What to do when you’re overwhelmed
Step away temporarily
It’s important to pluck yourself away from the situation and breathe.
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, exhale.
There’s a Chinese saying that goes like this:
旁观者清,当局者迷。(páng guān zhě qīng, dāng jú zhě mí)
This means that it may be hard for those involved to see the issues clearly, and those that are watching from the sidelines can often find the root of the problem easily, which is what I would often advise my friends and remind myself when I’m facing situations where I am emotionally involved.
Huddle in your safe zone
I find this the most comfortable way of putting yourself first. For me, I’m the kind who would roll myself into my blanket and use my phone till wee hours in the morning. It’s not the most healthy, but I feel the best in my bed reading.
Do things that make you happy!
Personally, I enjoy crocheting, singing, reading and watching videos on Youtube. These are all things that give me joy, and are things I do when I’m frustrated and I want to prioritise myself first. Only when my mood is good am I willing to do other things. This is a psychological effect, where people would be more motivated when they’re happier. Therefore, it is one of the things I would suggest when people want to put themselves first.
Remember, putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s a method of self-care. It’s how we stay sane in this busy world. It’s how we know we are important even if we are always reminded how we are easily replaceable.